All began with "A" died. I took refuge in ignorance for hide my pain. Four years later, "B" died. My heart has broken and depression and anxiety were noted. Two years later, still I cry about B's death. And now, two days ago "C" passed away by the same reason than "B". I cry because of C and B. C's girlfriend must be with depression. Why do I feel too bad because of them? I didn't met B and C. 

Before, I didn't want keep on, but someting inside of me was telling me "have faith, go on". Even with B's death. But now... I don't have nothing. I don't want go to university to study what I want. I don't want work. I don't want go to the street.

I know that death is notthe last way. But the memories that we had with them, we won't see them again, what should be if they didn't passed away... All those are destroying me.

And I didn't met B and C. What would happend if someone around me dies?

What would I do if he dies too? I mean, I know people die, but I dont want deaths when I am in this situation. I can't hold this. I can't.